Parenting Post #1

Below is the first post of hopefully many that I want to write to document my ideas and research about parenting. I have debated doing this post for awhile now, and finally decided to do it. It's long, but hopefully explains what I am wanting to do with these posts. Hopefully some of you will also benefit from this and future posts of this type. If not, just ignore my posts entitled "Parenting Post". Don't worry, it won't hurt my feelings :) Happy reading!

Those who know me know that I am a researcher at heart. If I could afford it (and had time!), I would go back to school to get my PhD so I could perform research in the area of social work. Any question that arises in my personal and professional life (and there are many, just ask Eric :), I get to work searching online, reading books, talking to friends and family, and chatting on forums and chat rooms to complete strangers. This aspect of my personality didn’t just happen by itself. My father has a PhD in Biochemistry and is a Senior Research Fellow at a respected seed company researching plant genetics. He has many patents, published articles, and fellow scientists who are interested in his research. So, you can see how “nature” (or genetics) has played its way in my life.

I also have a love of teaching. I taught elementary school for 3 years and still work with children today as my current job is a culmination of my teaching and social work education and experience. My desire for teaching comes from a passion to help and educate other to make the best choices for their lives. I enjoy sharing my research findings with friends and family and being around like minded individuals who can discuss topics of interest.

At every phase in my life I have focused on areas of interest to research. When in college, I researched areas of classroom discipline. Before getting married, I planned and researched how to put together the day Eric & I would always remember. So, it was only natural that my researching kicked into high gear when we found out I was expecting Eli. I researched books, websites, forums, and talked with friends and family to help learn about my pregnancy, make decisions about my birth, and how to best prepare for his arrival. Being pregnant with Eli was the most exciting and wonderful time in my life.

What I didn’t research much, though, was parenting. I think I felt overwhelmed and somewhat anxious about my pregnancy and delivery (I had no issues, but being a first time mom was enough!) so that is all I could focus on. Plus, I now know that most decisions I would have made about parenting BEFORE Eli was born would have been thrown to the wayside as I had NO idea how I would feel once he entered our lives. No books, chat rooms, or even friends or family could have prepared me for the deep love I was about to experience. Nothing could have told me about the intense desire I would feel to be near my son. No book could have prepared me for such an intense bond that was developed between a mother and child. And no one could have convinced me that I would choose the style of parenting Eric & I are trying to learn about and commit ourselves to….

….Attachment parenting: family bed, extended breastfeeding, nurturing touch, close physical presence, gentle/positive discipline, responsive parenting, natural child birth, alternative vaccination schedule, etc., etc. When I first read about this style of parenting, I instantly thought of those moms who eat organic food, never watch t.v., and who only buy recycled or natural products: hippie moms (not that there is anything wrong with that!). I was far from that!

But I also quickly understood that my seemingly fussy, high needs infant was not sleeping well, loved to be held, and nursed A LOT. I quickly realized, too, that my doctor, friends, family, books, and many of the websites I had researched throughout my pregnancy didn’t have a whole lot of solutions for me….at least many that I felt comfortable with. I was told by Eli’s pediatrician at his 1 week appointment that I should cut back on nursing as he was gaining weight quickly and since I was so sore, I needed to cut back. I was told when Eli was still pretty young by books and some friends that I needed to work on Eli’s sleep problems by letting him “cry it out”. I read that allowing Eli to sleep in my arms for naptime would set up a terrible routine that he would NEVER grow out of.

None of this advice felt right. Eli has truly tested my natural desire to schedule, fix, and plan. Adjusting to a baby-led “schedule” and an “on-cue” nursing style was hard for me. Going on little sleep was even harder but the idea of letting my baby whom I deeply loved and had such a strong desire to be close to cry was unbearable.

Thankfully, La Leche League and my hospital breastfeeding group supplied me with like-minded women. I felt at ease with these fellow moms and lactation consultants who seemed to understand my bond with Eli and gave me peace to allow myself to follow my instincts. I owe so much gratitude to the La Leche League leaders, lactation consultants, and fellow moms (whom I consider close friends) for giving me the strength to go against the grain and follow my heart. This is when I allowed myself to research more about Attachment Parenting and make choices that felt right for my son. I committed myself to on cue nursing. I quit my job and stayed home full-time with Eli for 1 year. I kept Eli close by as often as I could (although he never took to a sling, which would have made it MUCH easier). I committed myself to doing all I could to help Eli feel safe, secure, and loved.

But, Eli’s sleep was still a struggle. For many months, I tried to find the “solution” to his sleep. He slept in his car seat, vibrate chair, unswaddled, swaddled, white noise, dark room, etc., etc. Nothing seemed to help. I fought and fought and found his sleep to be the one area that I could not come to terms with.

Then, magically, I read a book (one of many) from the library about night waking. Suddenly I felt at ease about Eli’s need to be close to me not only during the day but at night and started to co-sleep full-time. What a relief! A weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I remember crying the first night at the idea of no longer fighting his sleep. I quickly came to realize that Eli needed his mama to sleep, and his mama was able to meet his need best by co-sleeping. This was a huge hurdle for me as I was terrified of co-sleeping: roll over by parent, SIDS, rolling off bed, etc. But through my research, I found the safest way to make this work for us (and yes, we still co-sleep 80% of the time: crib for naps & for first 3-4 hours at night, then in bed with mama & dada!)

I felt I needed to include this long introduction to help everyone understand why starting this posting is important to me. I am combining my desire to research and teach by posting weekly (or every 2 weeks depending on my time) about my research and personal stories of my parenting journey. I do not claim to be a “true” Attachment parent. My “style” uses many aspects of Attachment Parenting, but not all-but it serves as the backbone. I do not pretend to know all about Attachment Parenting or about what my parenting will look like as Eli grows. What I do know is that I continue to have that strong desire to parent with tenderness, warmth, respect, and love.

I feel we’ve been successful in our journey so far. Eli is very attached to his mama and dada, and we are attached to him. The bond between us is amazing and I truly believe he knows his needs will always be met and not ignored resulting in the loving, fun, outgoing, smart boy he is today.

So, if you are interested in following along and learning with me through this journey, check in. If you don’t agree with my style of parenting or aren’t interested, that’s okay. I will continue to post the weekly “fun” posts filled with little Eli stories, pictures and videos. Please also know that these are my opinions. I believe each family has to do what is right for THEIR family. I in no way am suggesting that if you use a parenting style that is different from mine that you are wrong. This is a way for me to document my stories and research and hopefully educate those who are interested about our way of raising Eli.

iHeartFaces

I didn't post last week's entry due to computer issues (I tried!!). This week it seems to be working so here is my entry for the iHeartFaces contest. This week's theme is Joy.

Playdate & Birthdays!

Hello all! Hope everyone had a great week & weekend. I'm a day late posting (I know, you were terribly worried) due to leaving our camera at Grandma & Grandpa Clarkson's house-sorry! Most of the pictures this week revolve around our first breastfeeding group playdate and Uncle Blake & Cousin Sammie's birthday. I do have additional Eli "news" so let's get started!

Eli is definitely at the developmental stage where he loves to feel like a "big boy" and do what we do. While cleaning for our playdate, Eli insisted on helping me sweep the floor. Thankfully I had already swept & mopped while he was napping so he really didn't have anything to sweep:

Eli sometimes could care less about getting his diaper changed and other times he throws a full out fit. The key seems to be to find something he is interested in such as a book or toy and let him take it with him to change his diaper. The trick, though, is to make sure he doesn't put the toy in his dirty diaper while changing it! Here's a picture of him after a diaper change where I gave up trying to put his pants on. He then decided he wanted to "ride" his choo-choo:

Another favorite thing for Eli to do is hang out in Eric or my closet when in our room:


Now for the playdate pictures! My fellow breastfeeding mamas (some have weaned, some have not) decided to start an outside playdate from the regular support group. Our first one was on Wednesday of last week at our place. I think it was a lot of fun and the babies and mamas seemed to have a great time! Can't wait for the next one!

Eli's ball popper machine was a hit from the very beginning:

The playdate in full swing:

Trying to figure out the remote control train:

The riding toys definitely got a lot of use:

Eli showed all his friends how he likes to pull all his books down off the shelf....even if he did almost hit poor Colton on the head with a couple:

I have always been proud of Eli for doing so well with sharing his toys. I didn't have to remind once to be nice to his friends and share his toys. He does have a little issue, though, with patting his friends on the head a little too hard. It's all out of affection, though!

Uncle Blake & Cousin Sammie have birthdays 1 day apart. On Saturday we all met up at Grandma & Grandpa Clarkson's for their birthday dinners. Sammie asked for Mexican and it was quite yummy! As I've posted about before, Eli really likes his cousin (his one & only!!). Here's a picture of Sammie reading to Eli:

Eli helping Uncle Blake eat his birthday cake....yummy!:

Grandma & Grandpa Clarkson have an old keyboard that has those really bad beats you can play. Eli LOVED the keyboard as it was just his size and found the different beats perfect for dancing. Check out this youtube video of Eli as I couldn't get it to load on Blogger:



Now for Eli news:

1) Eli is back to enjoying being read to. In fact he brings books to us all the time to have us read them to him. He seems to pick a favorite for a day or two and then move on to another one. He chooses books that he knows items in the pictures he can identify. It's as though he is "showing off" the words he knows! It's very cute.
2) While I think we won't be attempting potty training for awhile, Eli has started to identify when he has poo-poo and will tell us or one time he walked to his room and started knocking on the door. If he has poo-pooed he will say poo-poo when we ask him (because we either smell it or he is grunting or secluding himself) or sometimes come to us and say poo-poo on his own. I talked to a couple of mommies at playdate and they suggested putting him in cloth diapers over the summer as it allows them to feel when they wet vs. disposable that lifts away the liquid. I also know Eli isn't ready because there is no way he would sit still on a potty chair! No rush, though!!
3) In order to find the magical solution to helping Eli like brushing his teeth, we bought toddler toothpaste that is fluoride-free and safe to swallow. We found a tube with a choo-choo so he loves carrying it around. Now I give him the tube and put some of the gel on his teeth while he chews on his toothbrush. I then give his teeth a quick cleaning (while he kicks and cries). The vibrating brush seems to be too much as though it tickles his teeth so we are back to a regular toddler brush. Baby steps!
4) Eli now insists on eating some of what we eat at our meals. This is great as it means soon he WILL be eating what we do at meals so no extra prep for him. But, I feel this needs to be taken in baby steps as he still has a gagging issue. He still continues to enjoy eating whole peeled apples and bananas which is really cute to see him eat.
5) Eli's new words: "boo"=balloon & "wa-wa"=water. He is identifying a lot of items in books and surprises me when I ask him to point to something and he does. He can point to many animals & some shapes. He also acts like he is counting and points at things one by one and says "two" over & over.
6) Eli continues to do well at his craniosacral appointments and is holding his adjustments each week. After this week we will start to go every 2 weeks and then hopefully monthly. I am going to take a free class from his chiropractor/therapist in February that will allow me to do some work at home. Yay, Eli!

We don't have anything too exciting happening this week. We'll try to attend some sort of activity whether it be Music with Mar, Toddler Town or something of the sort. Have a great week!

Long post (I'm drawing a blank on titles right now)

For being such a cold week, we had a pretty good one! While I know we shouldn't complain as we had a total of 1 inch of snow that has already melted, we did have some pretty frigid temps. This week Eli & I visited the Suttons, attended a birthday party, Eli started to use a new sign, said some new words, ate some "whole" fruits, did pretty well with a fork, mastered closing his straw cup, ate spaghetti, picked sock fuzz, wore daddy's coat & a bucket, decided he would BUILD with blocks instead of just knocking down towers and throwing them around, learned how to give a "5", worked on 2 teeth, AND started being a silly walker (not in any particular order)! PHEW!! Let's get started!

Daddy thought it would be funny to dress Eli in his big puffy coat:

Mommy & Eli played "bucket head" some this week which we used to do a couple of months ago. It never gets old:

Mocha "cat" figured out how to stay JUST arms length away:

Instead of riding his pony, Eli has decided he needed to go for a walk and would push him all around the house:

Our friend Jodi from breastfeeding group turned one and had his party at Gymboree. Eli had never been to a Gymboree so it was a wonderfully fun experience! I would love to enroll him in a class but they aren't cheap. I'm trying to find a lower cost alternative because he really had a great time! Here's pictures from the afternoon:

Eli with Jodi's mom and Callie's mom:

Eli saying "Happy Birthday" to Jodi:

Eli loves straw cups and drank from them long before a sippy cup. Part of the fun is closing the lid and then saying "up" (he says "up" for on, open, up, etc.) for me to open the lid back up:

Daddy decided to let Eli explore eating some whole fruit at breakfast. He did pretty well with an apple and a banana. More & more he is wanting to eat the food that is on our plates and larger hand held food. The only issue is that he still has a hard time with portion control and will fill his mouth too full of food. He has a sensitive gag reflex like his mama and if food goes too far back in his mouth, he will gag and throw up. So, to avoid this, we are still making sure he has small bites of food until he can learn to stop being a chipmunk!!:



Eli continues to explore his utensils. He's getting better although still prefers to play with them. He does insist on using them at each meal, though, so that is good! Here's some video of him using his fork:



After dinner, Eli waits about 5 minutes in his high chair while I clean up. He sometimes likes to prepare for his bath by taking off his socks. One day this week he was wearing blue socks and had a lot of sock fuzz in his toes. He discovered this and started picking out the fuzz (another way he is like his mama as I hate sock fuzz, too). I found this to be too funny:

Some other news from the week:

1) Eli has continued to use some of the signs that I have tried to teach him since he was young. This week he used the sign for eat while saying eat informing me he wanted a snack! As for words, he really likes to point out the shape "obul"=oval in his shapes puzzle, he points out bunnies in books and says "baba" which isn't really bunny, but he says it and points to a bunny each time. Eli also is stuck on the number "2". He will hold up his thumb & pointer finger and say "2!". He can't identify "2" yet but he certainly likes to say it!

2) On Tuesday afternoon we visited Emily, Josh, Mallory & Chloe. No pictures, but it was good to see them as it had been awhile! I got to hold Miss Chloe for a short time as she spent her time napping and nursing. Imagine that!!

3) I forgot to post when Eli got one of his molars last month. It's kinda in a weird spot, in the middle of the top right side of his mouth, so I assume more molars are on the way! This week we noticed one his bottom front teeth is on it's way in, too!

4) Eli, for some odd reason, decided he would walk on his tip toes off and on throughout the day. He did this when he was a pre-walker and only able to walk with help, but then did flat foot walking once he walked on his own. Silly little man!

5) Eli has never enjoyed building with his blocks. Instead he would throw them and knock down towers we would build. This week he surprised me and started actually BUILD with them!

6) Daddy taught Eli how to give a "5":

Eli gets really excited about food that he REALLY loves:




Hope everyone has a great week!

I Heart Faces

Here is my entry for I Heart Faces blog of one of Eli's many silly faces!

Eli's Top Ten List

This week, I actually don't have too many pictures/videos. There isn't a reason, really, maybe just getting back into the grove of things distracted me. Oh, I guess there is a little reason: Eli has started to become too smart for picture & video taking! The last few days as soon as I turn the camera on he immediately starts to put his hands on it and has even figured out where the button is!

There are some new things, some just cute things, and more practice of things Eli already knows! Here's a Top 10 List for all you Eli fans:

1) Eli has been practicing his body parts for awhile now and he has them down pretty well (nose, eyes, mouth, teeth, ears, & hair). I tried to get video and was able to get him saying a few of the body parts he knows:

2) Eli continues to pretend to hiss at our cats and laugh & laugh. He learned this from visiting Grandma Bidney and her cat hissed at Eli and he thought it was too funny. I guess we should really be teaching him to be scared of hissing or someday he'll get scratched!

3) I've been using the sign for several words since he was pretty little. He surprises me and starts to use a sign here & there just on his own. This week he started doing the sign for "all done" and saying "aw done!" when he finished eating.

4) Eli gives hugs & kisses multiple times throughout the day. It is so adorable and you know he is coming to give you a hug when he says "aww" and comes walking towards you with open arms.

5) Eli has figured out how to turn his toys on & off.

6) Eli has started saying "bye!" and waving when people leave.

7) Eli has been a silly boy this week and started to take teeny tiny steps just for fun when walking around the house.

8) One day Eric said my name (around Eli we usually call each other mama & dada) and Eli very enthusiastically said "Amy!" very clearly! Since then he has said it several times if Eric says it first.

9) Eli is doing really well with connecting "night-night" with bedtime. I say "Eli are you ready for night-night" and he starts to say "nigh-nigh?" and comes towards me. He is going down pretty quickly for mama, dada, and grandmas-yay!

10) Eli's new words for the week: "tuck"=truck, "Emo"=Elmo, "aw done!"=all done, bug, nose, eye, "teef"=teeth, "hai"=hair, "ee"=ear, "nigh-nigh"=night-night, and "moo"=moon. Some of these he's been saying awhile but not consistently or with meaning (remember my rule? :)

Now some fun pictures and videos:

Just a picture that makes hiim look so "big boy" to me (Grandma is showing him pictures of videos of him on her phone):

Eli's 4 wheeler needed some repairs so he got out his tools and got right on the job ;):

"Silly dada likes to take my picture while I'm eating":

Eli really likes "Imagination Movers" on Disney in the morning (he actually likes ALL their morning cartoons/shows). Here he is laughing at their silly antics:

Having fun on his pony:

Today Eric & I had a date brunch/movie. We like doing our now monthly dates on Sunday mornings because we love breakfast food (Bob Evans rocks!) and we can get into a matinee with very few people. Today we saw "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button". We really liked it and it is a tear jerker! It reminds me of "Forrest Gump" in it's story telling and style. We highly recommend it!

This week we have a craniosacral appointment, a playdate with Mallory & Chloe, and a birthday party for Jodi! Should be a fun week!

Craniosacral Therapy

Since Eli was 3 months old, Eli has seen a pediatric chiropractor. I had read about how chiropractic care can be very beneficial for infants, but the real reason we went was because of Eli's Torticollis. I was so relieved when just after a couple of months, Eli's neck was straightening....chiropractic care was working! I have never been to a chiropractor myself, so taking Eli was a big step, but I wanted to do what was best for our little man. Our first chiropractor closed her practice and we began to see another pediatric chiropractor when Eli started crawling. She has treated Eli since then & has recently referred us to a Craniosacral therapist. I had heard of this type of treatment from a friend at breastfeeding group so I felt okay about taking him.

We attended our first appointment on Tuesday. The practitioner is a pediatric chiropractor who is also trained and certified in craniosacral therapy and she is very good with children. We played on the floor and she looked at Eli & felt his head. She told me ahead of time that she is trained to identify what is "wrong" with Eli but that he is fine. She felt his head, asked me about my pregnancy & delivery, and informed me over about a 45 minute appointment that she could help Eli with this type of therapy. In her opinion, Eli was pretty scrunched in my uterus towards the end of pregnancy, primarily due to my scoliosis and there not being as much "room". I totally agree with this as I truely felt his head was lodged against my pelvic bone as I had pain & nerve issues. As a result, his skull bones started to overlap in areas of his head, resulting in his large head (he has always been 95th to off the charts in his head) because his head has had to make room for his brain. She also told me that many babies/children have this same issue, but never have it corrected or worked on. This type of therapy is a preventative type of therapy that will help ensure that Eli is as healthy as he can be by aligning his cranium bones, spine, sacram, etc. If we didn't get the therapy, Eli would be fine, but this therapy is more of tool to help him be the healthiest he can be. Research has shown that this type of treatment helps prevent & alleviate:

Chronic Middle Ear Infections

Infant Colic

Headaches

Learning Disabilities

Sensory Integration Problems

Breastfeeding Difficulties

Autism

Developmental Delays

Chronic Pain

Difficult Mobility

ADD/ADHD

Cerebral Palsy

Genetic Disorders

Neurological Conditions

Reflux

Another interesting thing she suggested is that I receive chiropractic care before we decide to have another child. I have always considered going to a chiropractor, but was concerned about the time & money investment. I've never had bad pain from my scoliosis, so I've just never made it priority. Now that I have Eli, I've made him priority. She suggested that if I am able to align my hips & work on helping my scoliosis, that I can help my future child(ren) not have the craniosacral issues Eli has. So, I plan on beginning to see a chiropractor sometime in the near future (no, we're not trying for #2 yet).

She suggested we take pictures of Eli's head so we can see the progress. It is a slow process that takes time. The problem is it's hard to get good pictures of a toddler!! I'll keep everyone updated on the progress!